What Does Irreconcilable Differences Mean in a Divorce?

What are irreconcilable differences?

In a divorce proceeding, the term irreconcilable differences are a “grounds” for divorce—essentially, a reason for the divorce. This term refers to substantial incompatibility between spouses and can serve as the reason for wanting to end the marriage.

This is common grounds for divorce in many states—and in a no-fault divorce state, it’s the only option. It also differs from other divorce grounds in a substantial way: When a couple files for divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences, they are filing for a no-fault divorce. 

What is no-fault divorce? 

No-fault divorce is exactly as it sounds: The marriage is broken and cannot be fixed, and neither spouse is being held legally responsible for the breakdown. This type of divorce is simply a way to avoid having to place blame for the failure of the marriage. You don't have to claim your spouse did something wrong and you don’t have to provide evidence of wrongdoing to the court.

Prior to the introduction of no-fault divorce in 1969, a spouse would have to provide an “acceptable” reason for divorcing, such as domestic violence or infidelity. With no-fault divorce, a divorce can proceed even if only one party wants it. The spouse who files can simply state the grounds of incompatibility—also known as irreconcilable differences. While some states still offer at-fault divorces, many states only allow couples to claim grounds of irreconcilable differences.

Be aware: A no-fault divorce is not the same as an uncontested divorce. “Fault” covers the legal justification for wanting to end the marriage. An uncontested divorce means the parties agree on the grounds for divorce and terms such as alimony, custody, and property division. A no-fault divorce can be contested—for example, if one spouse believes they can prove fault on the part of the other spouse, or if they disagree with the terms of the divorce settlement.

Common examples of irreconcilable differences

No-fault divorce is increasingly one of the most common types of divorce, and citing irreconcilable differences covers a wide range of marital troubles. Here are some common examples:

• Communication breakdown. Frequent disagreements that stem from a lack of communication or miscommunication can point to a fundamental incompatibility between two partners. This can result in a lack of trust and cohesion and make the relationship unpleasant.
• Financial disputes. Financial troubles, disagreements on how to handle finances, or different financial priorities can all lead to stress in a marriage. If issues related to finance are the cause of most of the married couple’s disagreements, the conflict may become insurmountable.
• Lack of intimacy. Low levels of emotional or physical intimacy in a marriage can stem from stress, miscommunication, different intimacy needs, or fundamental incompatibilities. The inability to resolve these issues can lead to one or both spouses feeling unsatisfied to the point where they want to end the marriage.
• Different parenting styles. Frequent arguments on how best to parent their children can put significant stress on a married couple, not to mention the whole family. If these disagreements can’t be resolved, ending the marriage may be in the best interest of everyone.
• Lifestyle differences. Two partners may differ significantly in life priorities or how they prefer to spend their time. They may have incompatible hobbies or interests, which can impact intimacy and communication and lead to conflict. If neither spouse can compromise, the relationship may become too unpleasant to continue.

What to know about citing irreconcilable differences

Just like every state has its own legal grounds for ending a marriage, each state has its own process for divorce proceedings. For instance, states may have slight variations in wording. In Oklahoma, the spouse who’s filing will simply need to state in the petition for divorce that “the parties are incompatible,” whereas in Kentucky, the spouse filing would state that “the marriage of the parties is irretrievably broken” in the petition.

While details of the divorce process differ in each state, you’ll need to follow a few basic steps once you’ve decided to file for divorce under irreconcilable differences.

Before filing

Be sure to check your state’s divorce filing procedures for any requirements you must meet prior to filing. For example, to file for divorce in California, either or both spouses must have lived in California for six months and lived in the county they’re filing in for three months. Some states may also require that the couple have lived apart for a certain amount of time—what’s known as a period of separation—prior to filing.

A number of different factors can affect the complexity of your no-fault divorce, including children, prenups, and shared assets. While it’s possible to fill out all of the forms yourself, you may want to seek the help of an attorney, even for a no-fault, uncontested divorce. An experienced divorce attorney can help you navigate the process more smoothly and represent your best interests during negotiations.

After filing

The first step after filing is to formally serve your spouse the divorce papers. They will then have a set amount of time to review and respond to them (this can vary by state, but is typically 30 days). Failure to respond typically results in a default divorce.

Note that even in cases of irreconcilable differences, your spouse might not agree to the grounds or terms of the divorce. They may wish to negotiate, or they can also choose to contest the divorce in court, which can lengthen and complicate the legal process. To prevent this, you can negotiate terms ahead of filing or consider mediation. You may still need to go to court, especially if you are making decisions about child custody and child support.

Different states may require waiting periods after filing. For example, in Indiana, the waiting period is at least 60 days. In Michigan, the divorce waiting period, the waiting period depends on whether you have children (60 days if you don’t, six months if you do).

How does citing irreconcilable differences affect a divorce outcome?

Filing on the grounds of irreconcilable differences—and therefore not having to prove fault—can make the divorce process a lot quicker and simpler. It can also impact the outcome of the divorce settlement, like division of assets, alimony, and child custody. Some states will allow courts to consider fault when ruling on divorce terms, even in a no-fault divorce.

Division of assets

In a no-fault divorce, a court will typically divide assets based on equitable distribution. They will consider multiple factors, such as each spouse’s household contribution, child custody, and whether your state recognizes community property law.

Spousal support 

In a no-fault divorce, spousal support—also known as alimony—may be ordered by the court based on factors like length of the marriage and each spouse’s finances. In a fault-based divorce, an at-fault judgment may also be considered when determining alimony.

Child custody and support

Decisions regarding child custody are made in the best interest of the child, independent of the grounds for divorce. States also have their own guidelines for determining child support, which take into account the child’s needs and each parent’s financial capacities.

Should you cite irreconcilable differences in a divorce?

While every state offers no-fault divorce, there are 33 states that allow at-fault divorces. Depending on your circumstances, you may benefit from pursuing an at-fault divorce, but generally, a no-fault divorce will be less costly—and may keep you out of court.

Advantages 

Filing a no-fault divorce can help make the process more efficient and less costly, since neither spouse has to provide the court with evidence of the other being at fault. This saves time and attorney fees. It can also spare both parties the emotional toll of hashing out relationship matters in court.

Disadvantages

Irreconcilable differences may feel like an unsatisfying ending in some cases. Alternative grounds for divorce account for situations such as domestic violence, abuse, adultery, infidelity, and other misconduct. Proving fault can provide closure for the aggrieved party, deliver justice, and help alleviate emotional distress. And in some states, a spouse being at fault could impact other aspects of the settlement, such as alimony or child custody. Taking the step to prove fault could potentially result in more favorable settlement terms for the filing spouse if they can prove their case.

If you’re pursuing divorce, it’s always a good idea to speak with an attorney. If you’re not sure what grounds to claim for your divorce, an attorney can advise you on your state’s laws and help you determine your options.

FAQs 

Do I need to prove irreconcilable differences in court?

No, you don’t need to legally prove irreconcilable differences in order to file for divorce. 

Can one spouse contest irreconcilable differences?

A spouse may disagree with either the grounds for divorce or the need for divorce in the first place. They can indicate their objections when they respond to the divorce petition, and each spouse will have the chance to negotiate, either in court or in mediation. However, a spouse generally can’t stop a divorce from moving forward—only one spouse has to want the divorce in order for it to proceed, and no one can be forced to remain in a marriage.

Are irreconcilable differences the same as "irretrievable breakdown of marriage"?

Yes, and the wording may vary according to the terms available on your state’s petition form. In Oklahoma, you would state that the “parties are incompatible,” and in Kentucky, you would state that “the marriage of the parties is irretrievably broken.” These are all different ways of defining the grounds for a no-fault divorce.

Do I need a lawyer for a divorce based on irreconcilable differences?

It’s always helpful to have a family law attorney help you sort through your state’s divorce laws and advocate for your interests. Even if you and your spouse agree not to assign blame, you might not always agree on the terms of the divorce settlement, such as division of property and child custody.