How to Get a Prenup: A Step-by-Step Guide

Signing a prenuptial agreement is an important step toward bringing order to the inherently messy process of ending a marriage.

Prenups, as some people call them, are premarital agreements that put in writing what will happen to an engaged couple's finances, significant assets, marital property, and debts if their marriage ends. It also can create a guide that defines how financial obligations will be handled during the marriage.

Read on for step-by-step instructions on how to talk about and create a premarital agreement.

Reasons to get a prenuptial agreement

Some people think prenuptial agreements are only for the uber-wealthy. Having great wealth when you marry is an excellent reason for creating a prenuptial agreement. But even if you aren’t among the 1%, there are at least a half-dozen good reasons that make the process of negotiating prenuptial marital agreements worth it—even for those of modest means. 

Yes, you could be among the target audience if any of the following apply to you:

• You own a home or other real estate or separate property when you get married, and you want to keep it should you divorce. Even in a community property state, where spouses own everything equally, a valid prenup can protect you.
• You own vehicles—cars, motorcycles, or boats—that are important to you.
• You have investments, including retirement accounts and IRAs. They don’t have to be big accounts to start out, but if they grow, how would they be split between you and your spouse?
• You have valuables. Which spouse gets to keep jewelry, family heirlooms, or collectibles? The loss of an engagement ring, whether its value is in money or sentiment, can be painful for divorcing couples.
• You want to keep your own debt and avoid having to pay for your spouse’s. A prenup can specify that neither of you will be responsible for debts incurred in the other spouse’s name before or during the marriage. In a community property state, this agreement is vital, or you could be responsible for debts you didn't incur.
• You're concerned about hanging onto your own inheritances. Prenups frequently specify that if one spouse inherits money or separate property during the marriage, that person keeps it. Again, this mitigates the financial risk of inheriting money if you live in one of the community property states.

Yes, a prenuptial agreement is essential if you are billionaire rock star Taylor Swift tying the knot with football hero and multi-millionaire Travis Kelce. But even if your bank account is much smaller, the process or task of creating your own prenuptial agreement can be an important step toward establishing a solid relationship with your spouse. Having serious financial discussions upfront helps a couple avoid damaging financial surprises. That can make a marriage happier.

Should you decide to divorce—or if one of you dies—a prenuptial agreement can help ensure you, your family, and loved ones get an equitable share of money, property, and even debts incurred.

Step-by-step guide: Start the conversation

Talking about a prenuptial agreement isn’t romantic, but the experience of crafting a premarital agreement can lead a couple to a deeper understanding of each other’s convictions and approaches to money—a marital hot point for many people. Start the step-by-step process by having a conversation about money.

Start negotiation with the basics

First, tackle the tough topics. Both parties to a prenuptial agreement must disclose their income, assets, debts, and liabilities, valued on the date or as close as possible to the date of the signing of the agreement. That includes any interest in trusts—revocable or irrevocable. These trusts are usually set up by the parents, grandparents, or other loved ones of the couple. Sometimes, these people aren’t interested in making the details of these contracts clear, so be tactful but probe. It is in everyone’s best interests to get this information out there.

Own your prenuptial agreement

Ask each other for concerns about these four thorny issues surrounding financial and property rights. For some people, writing their responses is the easiest way to share and get clarity.

• Income and assets. How much money do you make, and how much do you have? Come prepared with statements from your bank accounts, savings accounts, and investment information.
• Debt. How much do you have now, and how do you feel about it? Include credit cards, student loans, and mortgages.
• Children. Do you want to have them? Do you have children now from a prior marriage or relationship? Will one spouse leave outside employment to raise them? If a child has unusual health or other problems, how will you pay for these costs?
• Windfalls. Do you have an inheritance? Do you expect one? What would you do if you won the lottery?

Financial disclosure

Have this conversation early. The answers can shape the future of your relationship. It’s going to be an uncomfortable conversation, but don’t feel alone. A 2022 Harris Poll found that 15% of Americans engaged or currently married report that they’ve signed a prenuptial agreement. That is an increase from just 3% in 2010.

Emphasize the need for honesty. Keeping secrets can destroy a marriage. It’s a particularly bad idea to start off by hiding critical financial and property truths.

Establish goals for your prenuptial agreement

Identify issues that concern both of you. If you can hash out these problems together and come to an equitable agreement, that’s the best approach. If you can’t and the problem is still nagging, turn to legal help or a counselor to get you over the hump.

The prospect of family wealth down the road can be challenging. Working out how to deal with impending big inheritances, especially if not all members of the family will benefit equally or at all, can anger anyone faced with these inequities. It can be particularly worrisome for the parent of the children who will have to live with getting less or nothing. While grandma pays for their half-brother to go to private school, they go to public school. Better to deal with issues like this before marriage rather than after.

Make sure your wills and estate plans are up to date because these go hand-in-hand with a prenuptial agreement. In particular, this is a big issue for older couples who may have complex processes and situations that include prior marriages and agreements with previous spouses, or a strong desire to make sure adult children from prior marriages get their share.

Review, sign, and set a sunset date

Ideally, a prenuptial agreement is discussed and signed months before the wedding dates. Some states don’t even recognize a prenup if it is signed too close to the date of the wedding.

Using two lawyers will depersonalize the process, but it is better if you can sit down and talk about the issues that you find challenging before you present your viewpoints to your individual legal representatives.

Consider adding a sunset date to your agreement. That will force you to revisit and update the document. Life and circumstances change. Revising a prenuptial agreement at various points and various aspects is almost always wise.

All of this sounds difficult and unpleasant, but every step of the way, marriage is a compromise—and in many ways an unwritten and written contract. Managing this negotiation and reaching an agreement without major upset bodes well for the future of your union.

How to handle thorny issues

Some couples with no previous entanglements or disparate financial and property issues can negotiate a prenuptial agreement on their own. But people with more complex lives probably need expert advice. It’s important for each person to have their own lawyer. This protects both individuals and ensures that the agreement is legally sound. In case of strong disagreements, lawyers can advocate for each individual’s point of view and then help you reach an equitable agreement.

If one party owns a business, it is important to have lawyers speaking for each of you. The prenuptial agreement should address ownership rights and how the future spouse will be involved in the business. These are complex issues, and each half of the couple is best represented by their own legal counsel.

Another issue that can be tough to consider is spousal support in the case of divorce. A discussion of spousal support or alimony might include a discussion of childcare responsibilities, parental duties, and the earning capacity of both spouses.

While all of this sounds contentious and, in some cases, it is, in the best of circumstances, negotiating couples agree that a fair prenuptial isn’t one-sided. The goal should be an agreement that respects both people’s contributions to the marriage. Being gracious and kind is key.

Prenups for those with a long life

Valid prenuptial agreements can help older couples—especially those living on retirement incomes—decide how they will split expenses, handle marital property, and pay for the inevitable surprises and costs of aging.

The agreement can include detailed guidelines for spending retirement assets. The couple can specify how it will handle inequitable incomes and personal property. Will you have separate bank accounts? Yes, you can make these decisions informally, but making a prenuptial agreement with detailed instructions will memorialize what you both agreed to and reduce the potential for dissension.  

Financial assistance for adult children and grandchildren can be a thorny issue for older couples. A prenup can set the terms for how much a couple will give to their children and what money will be used. Should the assistance come from premarital assets, or will it come from future earnings and marital assets acquired during the marriage?

Finally, a prenup can specify how much money will be earmarked to create an inheritance for children, grandchildren, and other loved ones or causes. It can also give instructions about who will get marital property after both of you die. Where will the surviving spouse live? While these issues should be enshrined in wills and trusts, the prenup can make it clearer how this task will be accomplished—and even what’s considered marital property.

Benefits of a prenup

There are many benefits to having a prenup with your spouse. You get more of a say in how your family money, investments, inheritances, and any other assets are divided. The process of negotiating a prenup gives you a better understanding of your spouse, their financial situation, and where the two of you differ in your approaches to finance. If you own a business and file for divorce, a valid prenup ensures you maintain control of your business.

Frequently asked questions

Are postnuptial agreements as good as prenups?

Prenups are more common than postnups, but they are very similar, except one is negotiated and signed before the marriage, and one is negotiated and signed after the marriage. Postnups are often used to clarify financial and property rights arrangements during a marriage, especially when one person has fewer financial-related resources than the other.

Postnups also are used to clarify child support and custody issues should there be a divorce after children are born.

Prenups are best if you are considering marriage and want to protect what you already have. A postnup mostly clarifies existing financial and property rights and arrangements in an existing marriage. They are more likely to protect you from further damage rather than prevent it.

Do I need a lawyer, or can I write my own prenup?

Yes, you and your soon-to-be spouse can write your own prenup. It may save time and a few dollars upfront, but if the time comes when you are contemplating divorce, having relied on attorneys to create the original prenuptial agreement can save you big money.

A prenuptial agreement is only valid if both halves of the couple agree. If there is a hint of coercion, should you divorce, a judge will probably throw out the prenup. Negotiating that kind of solid agreement is best done if both of you have legal representation. If you talk and agree and then your lawyers collaborate to create an agreement that reflects both your wishes, the likelihood that it will withstand challenge is great.

Your agreement also must align with state laws where you live. Using attorneys who are familiar with your state’s laws, including community property rules, will keep you and your agreement from including things that are unlikely to be enforced.

How much do prenuptial agreements cost?

The best answer to the question: “How much does a prenuptial agreement cost?” Is “It depends.”  You can use an online template, and the cost will be very minimal—easily less than $100, including the cost of having the legal document notarized. While this kind of prenup can be enforceable, it may not reflect the legal realities in the state where you live. You also may not like its impact if you signed something that you didn’t understand.

Carefully considered prenuptial agreements crafted with help from one or two knowledgeable attorneys will cost at least $1,000, and they may cost $10,000 or more. Factors that determine the cost of prenup include the state and city where you live, the kinds and amounts of assets you and your fiancé have, the reputation and fees of the lawyers you choose, and how long it takes you to hash out the specifics of the agreement.

While numbers on the high side may seem daunting, and no one on the verge of marriage likes to consider the prospect of divorce, the cost of a carefully considered prenup is almost always less than that of prolonged and contested divorce proceedings and settlement.