Trial Separation: What It Is and When to Try

Even the strongest marriages can hit roadblocks, or spouses can simply drift apart. This time can be hard and there’s no easy solution. But what many couples don’t realize is that they have a lot of options—you don’t immediately need to pull the plug on your relationship if you’re starting to wonder about its future.

If you are feeling stuck, consider a trial separation. It’s one way to step back from your marriage, assess how things stand, and gain clarity about your future. 

In this article, we’ll look at trial separations, how they work, and how they can impact your relationship as a stepping stone toward a stronger relationship or a gentle way to ease into divorce. 

What is a trial separation? 

A trial separation is an arrangement where spouses voluntarily take a break. It gives both parties some space to step back, take a breather, and see how it is to live life solo. During a trial separation, it’s common for spouses to do the following:

• Move into a spare room or another home
• Make arrangements for splitting income, debts, and child-related expenses
• Set rules on where children and pets will stay 

A trial separation can be helpful when couples are feeling emotionally distant, facing stressors like health issues or job changes, or need time to heal after experiencing a challenge like abuse or infidelity. This temporary agreement doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. Instead it’s a chance for spouses to gain a fresh perspective on their marriages and decide how to move forward: together or apart.

Note that you and your spouse are still legally married during a trial separation. Therefore, your obligations to each other and marital property rights remain the same. So, if one of you acquires a new car during the separation, the court will split it by the state’s property laws if you file for divorce.

Trial separation vs. legal separation

A trial separation is flexible and informal, unlike a legal separation or divorce, which involves judges, lawyers, or strict rules. You and your spouse can decide the terms and conditions that work best for you, like financial responsibilities, living arrangements, or child-related expenses.

A legal separation, on the other hand, is a court-ordered agreement. It follows a structured process that usually includes filing a petition or separation agreement and getting court approval. In a legal separation, the courts will issue a separation agreement that specifies everything—-from spousal support arrangements, child custody and visitation rights, child support, to division of marital property. This separation agreement is a legally binding document, so if one spouse doesn’t abide by the contract terms, you can take legal action.

Few states, like New Jersey and Michigan, have set procedures for legal separation. Other states, like Florida and Texas, don't recognize legal separations nor do they have established processes for them.

Pros and cons of trial separation 

A trial separation can give you the chance to rekindle your marriage or end it. Weigh both the benefits and drawbacks before deciding what path to take.

Pros

• Space and time to cool down. It can get difficult to communicate if you and your spouse are constantly arguing or in a blame game. A trial separation gives you time and space to clear your head before attempting to sort through marital issues. 
• Time to sort through personal issues. It’s easy to forget your own needs and priorities in a marriage. This lack of personal awareness can then creep up and cause issues—in your personal life, your professional life, and in your relationship. Time away from a partner can give you some fresh air to sort through your feelings, gain a new perspective, do some introspection, and focus on self-work. 
• A preview of a potential future. Trial separation will show you the reality of living life apart from your spouse.
• Opportunity to appreciate your partner. You know the saying: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” This absolutely applies to a trial separation. The absence of your spouse might make you appreciate how they show up in your life and could potentially strengthen your emotional bond. 
• Avoiding premature divorce filings. Divorce is a major decision with wide-ranging personal and financial implications. A trial separation gives you time to ask yourself, “Is this really what I want?” A temporary split could breathe new life into the marriage or confirm your suspicion that a divorce is necessary. 

Cons

While some may appreciate the flexibility of a trial separation, it's not right for all couples. In addition, any type of separation has impacts on the relationship, the individuals, and their families.

• Difficult for children and family members. Any separation is hard and impacts other family members, especially children. This may lead to uncomfortable conversations or personal scrutiny at a very sensitive time.
• Increased risk of growing apart. There’s a chance that spending time apart can do more harm than good. If your goal is to save your relationship but there’s no effort to communicate, marital issues will remain unresolved, increasing the distance between spouses.
• Relationship status becomes public. A trial separation with different living arrangements can strain your social life and push your relationship woes out in the open. Thankfully, discussions like this are becoming destigmatized but it still may leave you feeling self-conscious, ashamed, or exposed. If this is the case, it’s important to work through these feelings and experiences with a counselor.
• Additional financial burden. It’s not easy to manage the logistics and financial practicalities of maintaining two households, even during a temporary split. The additional financial strain can override the potential benefits for some people. 

How to make a trial separation work

Here’s a trial separation checklist that'll give your relationship a real shot at reconciliation.  

1. Define purpose and set goals for separation. A trial separation works best when there are clear expectations and boundaries. Identify the marital issues that need to be resolved. Both parties should discuss their intentions and equally commit to working through the process.
2. Set a timeline. A timeline gives a reference point for when you’ll come back and talk about the fate of your relationship. If you don’t set a date, things can get stuck in limbo, and you’re inevitably sending a signal that the marriage is over. 
3. Decide living arrangements. It’s a big decision—who will live in the family home, and who will move out? If children are part of the picture, living separately in the same house might make sense. 
4. Build a communication plan. Being on the same page about when and how often you’ll communicate is important so one partner doesn't feel the other is overstepping. Is a daily phone call sufficient, or will you text weekly? Will you go “no-contact” for some amount of time? Discuss this ahead of time to prevent communication gaps or overload. 
5. Discuss money matters. Separate houses come with additional financial burdens, so don't shy away from money talk. Agree on who will pay the mortgage and pick up the kids’ expenses.
6. Address parenting responsibilities. If children are involved, decide how they’ll spend time with the other parent. Create a routine and be transparent with the kids about the new arrangement. 
7. Work with a marriage counselor. Couples therapy can help you identify your core needs and see your relationship from a different perspective. A therapist can also improve your ability to communicate and influence each other.
8. Draft a written agreement. Even though it’s not a legal document, laying down all the ground rules in a separation agreement can help you establish a separation date, avoid assumptions about the property division, and prevent disputes if you file for divorce. An experienced attorney can help you draft the terms of this written agreement.

What to do if trial separation doesn’t work

It’s common for couples to take a break and still decide they want to get divorced. If that happens, it’s time to get separate legal counsel. Ending a marriage brings forth a lot of uncertainties.

A divorce lawyer can be your trusted adviser through the difficult process of divorce.

• Identify the best next step for the relationship (a legal separation or divorce)
• Explain your rights and responsibilities through legal proceedings
• Clarify the impact of legal separation or divorce on child custody, assets, debts, and spousal support arrangements
• Set realistic expectations around how long a divorce can take, especially if it's an at-fault or contested divorce
• Advocate for you in negotiations

Ultimately, all of these decisions are difficult and sensitive. Thankfully, you don’t have to do it alone. Connect with trained professionals throughout the process as you assess your needs and desires so you can step into the happy, healthy life you deserve. 

FAQs

How long are most trial separations?

Legally, there are no set rules on how long a trial separation should be. But, experts recommend that a couple give a trial separation at least three to six months before they decide to file for divorce.

Does a trial separation impact a prenuptial agreement? 

A trial separation doesn’t invalidate a prenuptial agreement but can make it tricky to enforce. For example, if there’s a significant change in one's living circumstances during the trial period, the other spouse could argue that the prenup is no longer valid. Consult a divorce lawyer about your prenuptial agreement. They can explain if the trial separation alters the prenup’s enforceability. 

Can you date during trial separations?

This is up to you, but it’s generally inadvisable to date or start a romantic relationship during a trial separation. It not only hinders chances of reconciliation, but courts could consider dating as a sign of abandoning the marriage. This can impact divorce and custody settlements.