What Are the Most Common Reasons for Divorce?

In 2022, there were 673,989 divorces in the United States. While this number might seem high, it’s actually one of the lowest in the last 20 years—there’s been a steady decline in the divorce rate since 2000. 

And yet, it still happens every day. So why are couples getting divorced? There’s quite a bit of legal data and countless studies that can give us good insights.

When married couples get divorced, they must state in court why they’re choosing to dissolve their marriage. Below are some of the most common legal grounds listed as reasons for divorce, although there are personal and social reasons as well.

The most common causes of divorce include the following:

1. No fault or irreconcilable differences (legal reasoning, as stated in court)
2. Lack of commitment
3. Extramarital affairs or infidelity
4. Too much conflict

There are a variety of reasons that married couples choose to divorce, and often couples do it for a combination of multiple reasons.

Top 13 reasons for divorce

Every relationship is different, and so is every divorce. Ending a relationship with someone is never an easy decision and is not taken lightly.

Here are the most oft-cited reasons for divorce:

1. Lack of commitment
2. Infidelity
3. Too much conflict
4. Not being emotionally present
5. Financial problems
6. Substance abuse
7. Intimate partner violence
8. Minimal family support
9. Lack of communication
10. Lack of intimacy
11. Unrealistic expectations
12. Lack of equality
13. Mental and physical illness

While a couple’s stated reason for getting divorced may vary, for the court to grant the divorce, the reason must meet the legal statute and fall into legally defined categories. The reasons below aren’t necessarily court-recognized reasons for divorce, but what couples share anecdotally as the reason for their divorce.

1. Lack of commitment

Many couples describe a lack of commitment to one another and to the marriage at the time of divorce. This attitude can grow over time and has a lot of room for interpretation.

Lack of commitment may come down to differing beliefs in the time, energy, money, and resources each partner expects the other to contribute to the relationship. The imbalance in commitment over time can separate partners more and more, leading to divorce.

This lack of commitment in a marriage can sometimes lead to one partner (most commonly, women) surprising their spouse by asking for a divorce. This has been called walkaway wife syndrome, and though the husband is often surprised by the request for divorce, it has usually been brewing for years. 

2. Infidelity

One of the foundational tenets of a relationship is trust. An extramarital affair involves a deep betrayal and layers of lies that erode trust in a relationship.

Infidelity can be difficult to overcome, and it also makes it very difficult to save a marriage, even if both spouses want to work to save it. It may simply be impossible to rebuild trust that’s been broken. When the affair is over, the work begins.

3. Too much conflict

Arguments and disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, especially a marriage. When the fighting begins to outweigh the good interactions, it can quickly break down a marriage. 

Without improved communication or understanding, too much fighting can lead to the end of a marriage. 

4. Not being emotionally prepared

Another common cause for divorce is not being emotionally prepared to enter the commitment. For many couples, this is tied to their age. 

Research shows that a person’s brain is not fully developed until their mid to late-20s. Getting married young might mean that someone isn’t fully prepared for the emotional obligation of being married. Someone might also find that they desire something different out of a relationship as they age that their current partner cannot fulfill. 

As people grow and mature, they may decide that the best thing for their individual happiness is to get divorced.

5. Financial problems

A common stressor in many relationships is financial problems. Different spending and saving priorities can create stress in a relationship, whether a couple has high income or a low income. Financial disparities between the two people in the relationship can also cause power struggles and strife.

Disagreements over how to spend and save money is a commonly cited reason for divorce. 

6. Substance abuse

Substance misuse creates uncertainty and chaos in a family, as too many people know. Access to the substance becomes the driving force for the person who is addicted. This can mean they ignore other responsibilities in their lives—including their marriage or family duties.

Even if they’re seeking treatment and are ready to start recovering from their addiction, the process is long and winding. For some marriages, it’s not possible to survive the person’s addiction and recovery.

7. Intimate partner violence

Over 12 million people experience intimate partner violence in the United States each year. Research estimates that 35% of women and 28% of men have experienced rape, stalking, or domestic violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Physical and emotional abuse of a partner happens even more frequently, and it’s more common than most of us think. It can happen to anyone, and may be subtle enough that the extent or severity isn't recognized until it’s been going on for quite a while. The most dangerous (and lethal) period of a relationship is the time when a partner tries to leave. This includes divorce.

If you or a loved one are experiencing physical or emotional abuse in your relationship, you’re not alone. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has 24/7 resources to help you identify abuse and make a plan to leave safely.

8. Minimal family support

When two people get married, they’re also bringing their friends and family with them into the relationship.

A lack of support from in-laws can create stress within a relationship and cause fractures. If a spouse’s family disparages the partner, creates strife around raising kids, or causes mistrust between the partners, it can all lead to divorce.

Similarly, some couples describe parenting differences as a reason they got divorced. When one spouse has different views on parenting from the other, it can cause conflict and eventually lead to divorce.

9. Lack of communication

A foundation of a good relationship is clear, consistent communication. When two people are not able to communicate well with one another, it can create additional problems within the relationship.

Poor communication or minimal communication can cause misunderstandings and conflicts between partners that lead to divorce.

10. Limited intimacy

An important aspect of a strong partnership is emotional and physical intimacy. Disconnection over how much or how to show emotional and physical connection can disrupt a relationship and lead to divorce.

Becoming disconnected from your partner due to a lack of intimacy can create feelings of loneliness that only increase if the lack of intimacy is not fixed. This disconnection can easily end in divorce.

11. Unrealistic expectations

Each person comes with their own unique set of core values, expectations, and beliefs. When entering into a marriage with another person, it’s important to compare those value systems and to set expectations for the relationship.

When there's a misalignment of expectations, it can lead to conflict in the relationship that may lead to divorce.

12. Lack of equality

Relationships involve compromise. If one partner feels that they are compromising more than the other, or feels burdened by certain responsibilities that go with creating a life together, they may feel taken advantage of or unappreciated. This builds resentment over time and erodes a sense of teamwork.

Power dynamics also play a significant role in any relationship. A relationship built on equality involves balancing these power dynamics thoughtfully. When the power dynamics are out of balance in multiple areas of the relationship, it can cause insurmountable resentment.

13. Mental illness and physical health issues

Mental and physical health issues can bring significant stress into a relationship. While one spouse is struggling with their mental or physical health, the other partner will need to carry more of the responsibilities for the relationship. Being a caretaker is difficult, and it’s a role not everyone is suited for. Over time, this can weaken the relationship and lead to divorce.

Many mental and physical ailments also come with a financial cost. This additional stress can further deteriorate the relationship. Mental illness is also closely tied to domestic violence and emotional abuse.

Legal grounds for divorce

While all of the above are commonly cited by divorced couples as the reason for the dissolution of their relationship, none of them are the actual legal grounds for divorce that will be stated in court.

In court, divorces are split into fault and no-fault. Depending on your budget and any proof you may have of wrongdoing, you may choose to pursue one over the other. No-fault divorce is typically cheaper, while fault-based divorces involve a court hearing but may be granted more quickly. 

Proving fault in divorce requires proof and can extend the time it takes to finalize the divorce, which can increase the cost. However, it can be worth it in states that take into account fault when dividing assets. 

A lawyer can help you weigh your options and decide which path is right for your situation. 

Fault-based divorce overview

Legal grounds for divorce vary by state. To be granted an at-fault divorce, you’ll need to show proof of your claim during the court proceedings.

Some common acceptable at-fault grounds for divorce include the following:

• Adultery (cheating)
• Bigamy (being married to more than one person at a time)
• Desertion
• Mental incapacity
• Impotence
• Fraud in obtaining the marriage
• Criminal conviction
• Imprisonment
• Emotional abuse or domestic violence
• Drug or alcohol addiction
• Mental illness

No fault divorce overview

In contrast, you can also file for a no-fault divorce. This type of divorce is available in every state. No-fault reasons for divorce are still required, although the categories are broad and don't require specific details. 

The most common legal reasons for no-fault divorces include:

• Irreconcilable differences
• Incompatibility
• Irretrievable breakdown

Essentially, these are legal terms used to say that you and your spouse have serious differences and that your marriage is beyond repair. Neither spouse has committed a serious offense, but it is nevertheless untenable for the relationship to continue.

A no-fault divorce is usually more efficient and less expensive than at-fault. Without a burden of proof to be met, the court proceedings are usually much quicker.

Warning signs of divorce

Generally, there are warning signs that divorce is on the horizon. Open and honest communication is a great way to foresee if divorce is coming (and possibly prevent it).

Here are some common warning signs:

• Frequent arguments. While disagreement is normal between partners, when fighting outweighs neutral or positive conversations, it might be a sign that there are deeper issues going on. Too much conflict can erode the sense of teamwork that a relationship requires.
• Emotional disconnection. Many partners describe feeling emotionally disconnected prior to divorce. This may go on for a long time and partners may even request more emotional intimacy or connection.
• Lack of physical intimacy. In addition to emotional disconnection, some partners may change their affectionate behavior prior to divorce. This might look like a reduction in physical affection or sex.
• Persistent unhappiness. If your partner often seems unhappy or avoids sharing with you, it might be a red flag that they’re feeling disconnected from the relationship and are considering divorce.

How to know when it’s time for divorce

It’s possible to repair a strained marriage with couples counseling and hard work to rebuild trust and communication skills.

Yet sometimes, the marriage can’t be saved. Couples may get too deep into a negative cycle or develop irreconcilable differences that result in a stalemate. When this happens, divorce may be the most beneficial course of action for everyone’s happiness. If one or both people are unhappy in the relationship, the best thing to do may just be to choose a new path.

If you are noticing warning signs in your relationship that you think might mean your partner is considering a divorce, then it’s time to dig deep and have an honest conversation with your spouse—and yourself. These conversations can be hard and uncomfortable but it’s only possible to solve a problem if you have a clear picture of what the problem is.

If you and your partner want to stay in the relationship and work to rebuild it, a couples counselor can help you to communicate and work through the issues you’re facing, or can help you decide if divorce is the best option.

If you do decide that separation is the right next step for you, a divorce lawyer can act as a neutral third party and provide support during the process of legal separation or divorce. 

FAQs

When should a couple consider divorce?

If you feel disconnected and unhappy in your relationship, it’s ok to consider divorce. Your spouse should add to your life, not detract. There are so many reasons for divorce, and it's important to trust your gut if the topic continues to come up in discussions or during introspection.

If your spouse is abusive, has been cheating on you, or is showing signs of substance abuse, you may be eligible for an at-fault divorce. An experienced divorce attorney can help you figure out the laws in your state and what proof you will need to show.

How often does marriage end in divorce?

There’s no clear statistic on how many marriages end in divorce. What the data does show is that the rate of divorce has steadily declined since the 1970s, with each decade seeing fewer and fewer divorces. 

What is the final straw?

In most divorces, there’s not just one reason a couple has decided to end their relationship. Many couples who are getting divorced do say that there is a “final straw” or negative aspect of their relationship that tips them into choosing divorce instead of working to fix the marriage.